You’ve probably heard of a misogynist, but don’t think you’ve ever actually met one. Well, maybe you’re just not looking at the right signs.
Misogyny is a loaded word. Though by definition, it means, “the dislike or prejudice against women,” there’s a lot more to it. Does misogyny mean the guy wears an, “I hate women” t-shirt? Not at all.
Actually, at times it can tricky to figure out how someone who engages in misogyny acts. However, there are ways to read between the lines and see if a guy is a misogynist.
As a woman, you want to be with someone who appreciates and respects you *and all women*. For me, I had a hard time understanding that a guy could be married or dating a woman, even though he hates them.
In my mind, I thought misogynists were men who lived in their man caves and had a dart board of women’s faces. But, apparently, that’s not the case.
Actually, most of the time, misogynists are not fully conscious of the fact that they dislike women. So, before they figure it out, save yourself the energy and notice the signs ahead of time. [Read: Clear signs you’re in a narcissistic relationship]
18 ways to spot a misogynist
Date a woman-lover, not a woman-hater. But, of course, that can sometimes be easier said than done. So, it’s time for you to take charge and put the pieces of the puzzle together.
#1 He doesn’t value your feelings. He doesn’t really notice your emotional state unless it’s arousal. Basically, a misogynist is only concerned about themselves and not being overpowered by the opposite gender. Whether you’re happy or not isn’t their problem.
#2 He comments on others’ looks. “She’s too fat for those jeans,” or “She wears too much makeup.” Yes, because she’s wearing her jeans for him, not for herself.
A misogynist will comment on other women’s looks, and the majority will be negative comments. It’s all about undermining and insulting women, so if he’s talking like this, it’ll only get worse. [Read: Signs you’re dating a self-obsessed narcissist]
#3 He uses your emotional state against you. “Are you having your period? Is that why you’re angry?” No, I’m angry because you’re a moron. If you show some emotion other than admiration, it’s clearly because you’re on your period. There’s no other reason you would be angry.
#4 He feels like he’s entitled to everything. A misogynist feels like he’s entitled to it all. If he sees a woman he likes, he’s going to have her. Why? Because he thinks he deserves her. Think of Beauty & the Beast. Remember Gaston, the good-looking guy from Belle’s village? Yeah, that’s a perfect example of a misogynist.
#5 He doesn’t let you speak. If you’re just about to voice your opinion or thoughts on a topic and he cuts you off, he obviously doesn’t value you. He has something smarter and better to say.
If you’re getting cut off every two minutes, this guy doesn’t actually want to hear you speak. He wants you to sit, shut up, and listen to him. [Read: 12 signs of a narcissist and 5 ways to break up with them]
#6 It’s always your fault. Even if he clearly made a mistake, it’ll be because you did something that distracted him or made him think something else. It’ll always be like that. Why? Because he doesn’t make mistakes, he’s a man – and a misogynist. But you’re a woman who doesn’t know any better, so mistakes are expected.
#7 He loves to give you advice. I have asked my male friends so many times for their opinions about what I’m wearing or my hairstyle – it’s normal thing that people do. However, the misogynist will give you advice that you didn’t ask for.
If you ask for advice, that’s different. But if he’s giving you a list of things to change about yourself and you just got out of the shower, he has a problem.
#8 “Back in the day.” You might catch him talking about how he doesn’t think there’s a pay gap between men and women. Or that he prefers the old times when a man would provide and protect the family. Now, you know, women are working, making their own money, and don’t necessarily need to rely on a man.
Well, that’s a problem for him. Why? Because now you have a say. And oh yeah. He’s a misogynist. [Read: Types of toxic relationships to watch out for]
#9 He knows it all. Who’s the 49th President of the U.S.A? Wait, he knows it. He knows it all. The guy is apparently a walking encyclopedia. Now, if he’s wrong and you correct him, he won’t believe you. In fact, he’ll probably Google it right in front of you. And wait for his reaction when he sees he’s wrong – he won’t be telling you that you’re right.
#10 He knows what a real woman is. A misogynist is fully aware of what a real woman should look like. Her shoulder to hip ratio, the size of her breasts – he has a Ph.D. in it all. These guys are all about attaining the perfect woman – she’s physically a Barbie doll, she doesn’t speak, and she puts out.
#11 He sexualizes women by race. Perhaps you’ve heard him talk about other women that he’s been with. If he’s talking about being with a Latina because she’s spicy in bed, or an African woman because she’s a lioness in the sack, well, you cannot sexually stereotype a race more than that. Get rid of this guy. [Read: How to handle controlling behavior in a relationship]
#12 His fetish is non-consensual pain. Now, if you’re into BDSM, that’s one thing. However, a misogynist tends to fantasize about non-consensual pain. They want you to hurt when you don’t want to.
This can be physical, emotional, mental, or verbal abuse. You won’t see this right away, but be very aware of how he acts after you’ve told him you don’t like something he does. Does he do it again? Yep. I bet he does.
#13 Voicing your opinion is disrespectful. If you’re angry and yell or complain, you’re showing him disrespect. It’s not lady-like, and it is also very disrespectful to the man. Yeah, that’s crap. If he doesn’t like the way you voice your opinion *if you’re being abusive that’s different*, then he’ll tell you that he thinks you’re being disrespectful. You’re not obeying that misogynist man.
#14 Control over your sexual side means you’re a slut. If there’s a woman who’s sexually confident, he’ll probably say that she’s a slut. You’ll probably hear this early on in the relationship, so if you do, run. A misogynist does not want women to be in control of his sexual energy. It’s a powerful thing and he’s losing control. [Read: 15 Subtle signs of a controlling boyfriend]
#15 She cannot make her own choices about her body. If he’s telling you that you should have a boob job and that he’ll pay for it, then he could be a misogynist. He doesn’t own your body, even though he thinks he does. So if you’re dating a man who is trying to change your body, then I would pack my bags.
#16 He’s unfaithful. Of course, in the beginning, you won’t notice. He’s too charming and gentlemanly. However, as time passes, you’ll see that he’s unfaithful.
Why should he be faithful to you? You’re just a woman. Half the world is full of women, so why not taste the other flavors. Which is fine, if he was single. If he’s cheating, he thinks that he owns you.
#17 He’ll ghost you and then suddenly re-appear. I just had this done to me. We were seeing each other intensely for two weeks, and then he just decided not to reply to me. When I asked him what’s going on, he gave me a vague answer and told me that he hopes I can settle with that response.
The guy didn’t give a shit about me. And watch, in a couple months, he’ll be texting me. This is simply because he doesn’t care about me because I am one of many. [Read: 9 ways guys manipulate and control their girlfriend]
#18 He’s charming at first. This is the hardest part about identifying a misogynist. They’re charming, and they can easily try to manipulate and control you. I mean, really, all guys are charming in the beginning. So, initially, you may not be able to tell. However, if you keep the other points in mind, you’ll be able to see it.
You probably thought dating was going to be easy. But, you have to keep your eyes open and look for the signs of a misogynist, and go with your gut instinct.