It’s more common than you think. But you can (and should) stop this destructive behaviour. Here’s how.Self-sabotage. It’s not a feel good phrase, is it? The good news is, in my experience as a life coach, the people with the most potential tend to self-sabotage, which means, ‘You got big potential kid!’ I actually get excited when I find where you’ve been self-sabotaging, because once you heal this at the deepest level, you’re free to create the kind of success you know is possible.
So let’s start; how do you think you’re self-sabotaging your own success, stopping yourself or slowing yourself down right now? Are you under-earning and over-giving in your job? Are you doing that ‘thing’ to yourself that you know you should stop (because it’s hurting your health and wellbeing) and yet… you can’t? Do you push ‘them’ away just when it begins to get good again between you two?
Self-sabotage is like an internal fight: You say you want to get fit, yet here you are muttering to yourself at 6am that there is no way on God’s green earth that you’re getting up for a run now. Sure – you’re good at running – but mostly in the opposite direction of what you want. Here’s how to do a 180 and change directions.
1. The first step is to realise that this self-sabotage is keeping you safe. What would happen if you got successful? Are you frightened of the attention? Would you worry it would be too much for you and you’d be overwhelmed with all there is to do? Are you worried of people’s jealousy and judgement of you as you step out of the shadows? Are you worried you’d do it wrong? What would you lose? Would it leave you vulnerable and exposed?
Know that you sabotaging your success is your escape from perceived pain.
2. The second step is to heal this pattern at the deepest level in you – your subconscious. Did you know that 85 percent of what’s stopping you lives in your subconscious? Listen to why you’re sabotaging and the way forward becomes clear. What is it leading you to do? Finish this sentence, “Every time I self-sabotage, it’s my sign that I need…” real support, freedom, to be kind to myself, to tell myself I can do it, or to get help. Ask yourself honestly, what is it for you?
3. The third step is to insert this little ‘care pack’ into any moment you realise you’re self-sabotaging. Say: “I need to look after myself.” Ask yourself: Do I need inner-strength, transformation, self-love or to receive? And then action within 1 minute of realising you’re self-sabotaging.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve just done to yourself, know that in the next moment, you have the power to turn away from self-sabotaging and to walk straight into self-love. Run a bath and get in, call someone you love, go for a walk or ask for help. You are in control, and have the power to turn things around.
Also, don’t beat yourself up over your behaviour. This is important. It’s just a sign that you need something, whether that’s compassion or support. When you act on this knowledge, you’ll be free to create the success you deserve.
Marina J is a relationship coach, speaker and the best-selling author of Turn Yourself On. For more, head to www.marinaj.net.