Have you ever wondered what it is that men want in a woman?
Sure, there are a lot of shallow guys out there who are only interested in a woman’s looks, in a certain body type or set of features. But that’s not who I’m talking about.
You wouldn’t want to date those guys anyway, let alone settle down with them.
No, I’m talking about mature men, who have done enough growing up to realize that life isn’t all about appearances. Men who understand that a woman can’t be reduced to just her anatomy – it’s the depth and richness of her personality that make her who she is.
After all, isn’t that the kind of man you want to be with? To build a life, a home and family with?
A grown man looks beneath the surface, seeking out those soulful qualities that give a woman that hard-to-define, but all important “it factor.” Qualities that are way more important than looks when it comes to being a good partner and lover.
Like these 12 things!
This is a biggie. Is she kind? Because if she’s not, it ain’t gonna work. The trouble is that everyone is nice to you – in the beginning. In the first blush of romance, when everything is new and fun and easy, everyone puts their best foot forward.
So I’ve learned to pay attention to how she treats people other than me. Is she polite to the waiter at the restaurant? Does she bad mouth her exes, her coworkers, her friends and family? How does she treat strangers, or pets? You can tell a lot about a person by the way they treat others. Warmth, kindness, and generosity are incredibly attractive, and absolutely necessary to a healthy, long term relationship.
There is something so sexy about a woman who is witty, educated, thoughtful, who can hold her own in any conversation. And I don’t necessarily mean “book smarts,” or academic knowledge. I’m more interested in wisdom, street smarts, sense of humor, emotional intelligence. A woman who likes to ponder life’s deep questions, who will sit with me under the stars and talk all night about the mysteries of the universe.
3. Open Mindedness
Nobody likes to be told that they’re wrong. Whether male or female, as writer Annika Martins mentions, nobody wants to be “fixed.” It’s a big turn off. Grown men aren’t looking for someone who has all the answers, who has everything all figured out.
They want a woman who’s playful, curious and open-minded, who doesn’t judge or condemn. She’s not set in her ways; she’s open to other perspectives. She loves to travel and see new places; to meet new people, have new experiences, learn from other cultures and broaden her horizons.
She treats life as an adventure, and she wants to explore as much of it as she possibly can. That open and adventurous attitude makes her exciting and fun to be with. It’s a definite turn on.
4. Knows Herself
Just because she’s open-minded doesn’t make her naive. She’s not lost or confused; she’s in touch with her intuition, her inner compass. She knows what she stands for, what she likes and what she doesn’t. She isn’t trying to be anyone else. She doesn’t live her life based on the opinion of her friends, her mother, or some fashion magazine. She doesn’t need to go “find herself.” She’s had enough life experience to know who she is, and what she wants – and that is sooo sexy.
5. Expresses Herself
Psychologists such as Abraham Maslow and Manfred Max-Neef have identified self-expression as a fundamental human need. Well, not only is it important to our happiness and sanity – it’s also extremely attractive.
I admire a woman who shares her thoughts and feelings, who says what’s on her mind. That doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a big talker; she might be quite shy, quiet and introverted. But she finds healthy ways to express herself.
She might communicate through body language, through painting, cooking, or poetry. Or maybe when she’s out on the dance floor, through rhythm and movement. But whatever her method or medium, when she’s in it she comes alive, and her inner world comes pouring out for all the world to see.
And it’s beautiful.
6. Down To Earth
I can appreciate ambition. I get the importance of dreaming big. But at the end of the day, I want a woman who savors the little things. A woman who knows what’s really important in life – family, friendship, love and connection.
She’s honest and practical; she has no patience for pretense. She’s humble and grounded, and doesn’t waist her time and energy chasing after symbols of wealth or status. She’s just as happy eating s’mores around a campfire as she is going out to a five star restaurant. She is centered and present and easy to be around. That’s the kind of woman a man wants to settle down with.
Wait just a minute… humble and confident?! Do I contradict myself? Very well, then. Human beings are complicated creatures. But there is a balance that can be struck here. You can be confident without being egotistic. You can value yourself without belittling others.
Real confidence comes from knowing yourself deep down, and accepting who you are. Knowing that you are good enough, just as you are. You don’t need to change or fix anything, for anybody. A woman can, and should, know her own worth, and be confident in who she is and what she has to offer. It’s incredibly sexy.
8. Comfortable In Her Own Skin
Maybe you think that this is the same as confidence. Like, “you’ve covered this already, it’s redundant.” I disagree. I think that body image issues are so common that it deserves special attention. I know so many women who do not, will not, cannot see themselves as beautiful. Instead they look at themselves and see only their “flaws,” and in a highly exaggerated and magnified way (as illustrated by this viral video from Dove’s Real Beauty campaign).
I’m not going to lie and say that looks don’t matter. Of course they do, to both women and men. But I’m here to tell you that how you look is not as important as how you feel about your body.
Real beauty isn’t about your weight or your measurements. It doesn’t come from makeup, or designer clothes. It’s about being comfortable in your own skin, at home in your body. It shows in your smile, in the way you walk, in your every movement and gesture.
I don’t think that anyone is especially attracted to what’s “normal,” or average. We don’t want to be with someone who is just like everyone else. We want an individual, someone who’s different, creative, who stands out from the crowd.
Give me a woman who’s not afraid to do things differently. A free spirit, who thinks for herself, and wants to make her mark upon the world. She might be an artist, a bit of a rebel; but not necessarily. She just has a way of seeing things from a unique perspective, and she lives her life accordingly. There is no one else quite like her – and that’s a good thing.
Let’s face it: passion is sexy. And I’m not just talking about sexual passion, either. I’m talking about a woman who is passionate about her ideals, her career, her favorite cause, or sport, or political party. A woman who burns with intensity for the things that she cares about. Her eyes light up whenever she talks about it, her whole being becomes electrified. That energy, intensity and dedication is extremely attractive.
Of course, if that passion carries over into the bedroom, that’s a huge plus.
Best-selling author Sarah Ban Breathnach once wrote, “The world needs dreamers, and the world needs doers. But most of all, the world needs dreamers that do.”
There are few things more enticing, more beautiful, and more awe-inspiring than a woman who is genuinely living her dream. A woman who has figured out what it is that she’s passionate about, and dedicated her life to it. She has found her way, her purpose, her path. It gives her a reason to get up in the morning. It gives her a sense of meaning and direction, and a contagious enthusiasm for life.
And it makes her incredibly attractive.
In the end, there is nothing sexier than a woman who is happy with herself, happy with life… just,happy. A woman who laughs often, who radiates joy and gladness, who always brightens your day and makes you smile whenever you see her, or think of her. That’s the kind of person that we all want to be with.
Don’t get me wrong – everyone has their bad days, their moments of doubt and despair. But a woman who accepts and loves herself, who knows what she wants out of life and goes after it, is going to have way more good days than bad. She’s up a lot more than she’s down. She is cheerful, positive and light-hearted, and she just makes you feel good.
And that is the single most attractive quality she, or anyone, can possibly possess.
Now if this list seems impossible to you, you’re absolutely right. No one person is going to possess all these qualities. I know I don’t. And if you do, then you should get some kind of award, or something. The point is not to beat yourself up about the things that don’t describe you. The point is to remind you what real beauty is.
In a culture obsessed with appearance, it’s easy to get caught up in how we look, how we dress or what we weigh, and what other people think. Everywhere we look we are presented with an impossible “ideal” of physical beauty. Even the models who best fit the look are not “perfect enough,” and are plastered with makeup and Photoshopped to the point where they are almost unrecognizable.
But you don’t need to look like a supermodel or a Barbie doll to attract a good man. You don’t have to compare yourself to anyone else’s idea of beauty. Because what matters the most is not how you appear on the outside; it’s who you are, on the inside.
And a grown man, the kind of man you want and deserve, knows it. He cares more about the content of your character than the size of your waistline. He sees you, all of you, deep down – where your real beauty lies.
By Ben Neal